A Dark Moment

Disappointment...
Anger...
Aggravation...
Despair...
Frustraition...
Rage...
Standing alone they are merely words,
But together they are lyrics to the soundtrack of life.
A life that no longer seems to make much sense.
I live in a world where everything is supposedly black and white,
Yet I find myself constantly surrounded by shades of grey.

I spend my days chasing after things I will never catch.
Trying to recapture the moments that made me the way I am,
That molded me into the person I am today.
Daily I find myself searching blindly for an ounce of hope,
Something to let me know that all I've done is not in vain.
Something to set me on my path to build a legacy.
Marking my place in history.
Cementing my status as someone,
But how can one build without the proper foundation?

I had a conversation with the voice of reason,
and that bitch lied to me.
Told me the things I wanted to hear.
Then threw me to the crowd,
Leaving me to suffocate under the weight.

I thought I had things understood,
But maybe I don't.
Maybe this isn't meant to be comprehended.
Maybe this just isn't for me.
I just don't know anymore.

You don't know what it's like.
To be smiling on the outside,
While kicking and screaming on the inside.
How do you feign happiness?
Knowing that everything is crashing around you,
Knowing that whatever you try just is not going to cut it,
Knowing that all you wanted was success,
But fell victim to so much more.

I am lost.
Trapped within the clutches of the reality-tainted fantasies of yesteryear.
Haunted by images thought buried long ago.
I cannot shake them,
They mirror my every move.
Taunting me,
Showing me flashbacks of what once was and the premonitions of what's to come.